Allyssa

What was the last thing you ate? 

Bacon! 

If you had $50 what would you spend it on? 

Vinyl! The new Broods album is $33 at JB HIFI on vinyl, so I’d definitely get that. 

What was the last thing you googled? 

The Waikato. I was actually thinking of moving there next year for Uni..but yeah, no. 

OK, give us the wikipedia bio? 

I’m ‘Afakasi Samoan. My parents weren’t together when I was born. All my friends’ parents broke up when they were young or growing up. I’m really glad that was something I didn’t have to deal with because you hear awful things about how it affects people. I was born in Middlemore Hospital and have lived in Manurewa, in this house, my whole life…But I decided on my first day of primary school I wanted to go to school in Ponsonby 

What was that like? 

It really fucked me up. Like, it was a beautiful school, but the teachers and management wanted everyone to be a certain way. And by that, I think they mean someone who’s quiet, who’s white, who goes to university and gets a business degree and sits in an office. From year 7 to year 10 I thought I wanted that, I thought I wanted to fit in. But I developed depression in year 10, and then I stopped caring what they think. From then I’ve tried to lead my own path. 

So did it feel like an insidious kind of middle class white-washing? 

Yeah! And it’s strange because the Polynesian Panthers started in Ponsonby, all these kind of brown-positive things happened there. And yet, now they’re like please stop being so brown…And when I was younger, I rejected coming from South Auckland. I’d say, “I’m from Rewa but I don’t like it”. But now honestly I love Rewa. My Mum grew up here, I have history here, lineage here… 

People often say your generation are the fixed generation, as though you’re post-racism. Do you think that’s true? 

I don’t think so. Not at all. Especially because a lot of casual racism comes from your own age group. It’s not usually just an old white man walking with a cane yelling at you. Usually it’s your peers. They stay quiet until you do something really brown, then they’ll be like, “Wow, you’re so brown…” Last year I was at a party where everyone was drunk and I was stone cold sober. And one of them says, “Oh, I could go for some Maccas.” I said, “Lets get KFC” and one of my girlfriends at the time said, “Of course it’s the only Polynesian in the group that wants KFC.” Everyone laughed, but in my head I was like, “That’s not funny at all.” 

People also say that your generation are too sensitive, you’re the snowflake generation. Do you agree with that? 

No no nooooo. I don’t think so at all. It’s not about being sensitive, we’re just pointing stuff out. The whole sensitivity thing is because we’re more aware of the shit that’s going on around us and more willing to discuss it. I think older generations invalidate that, they really don’t like to hear us talk. 

What’s the most pressing issue your generation are most worried about right now? 

There’s so many issues in the world it’s hard not to get down. I think a lot about climate change, about Samoa. It hurts. There’s this new word that’s been created, Solastalgia, it means the genuine pain of losing the homeland due to climate change …I think about it a lot, some days I think about it and get a huge pain in my chest. It physically hurts knowing that I’m losing my homeland. 

What does success look like for you as an adult? 

I don’t know what it looks like in terms of my career… the universe will take me wherever it likes. But in the next 5 or 10 years I’d really like to have my shit together in terms of my mental health. I feel it’s really hindered a lot of stuff that I’ve been able to do. 

Is the Universe taking you to the Waikato? 

Haha, no. I think moving away for Uni would be too much freedom..it would mean that I didn’t call my Mum and wouldn’t do things that were healthy for me. I wouldn’t get up and go for walks…I’d succumb to unhealthy things. Like, I couldn’t handle it. But also, my Dad’s really sick so if I moved away I’d be missing my chances to hang out with him before he passes…So there’s too much here that I can’t leave. 

Has living with a really sick parent changed the way you look at life? 

Oh my goodness, so much. It’s made me not embrace opportunities in my life, like if things go against his appointment times I won’t take them. I’ve sacrificed school time to hang out with him at the hospital…Six weeks ago, he had a heart attack 5 minutes after I’d got on the train home. We’d just had breakfast together! He was perfectly fine. It makes you appreciate how super quick everything changes. And how meaningful everything is.