Louena

If you had $50 how would you spend it?

Food! Korean BBQ and the fries from the shop up the road.

Ok, give us your life story to date

I was born in NZ, with the intention to be adopted, and then that didn’t go through. Then my biological parents divorced, I was sent to Tonga with my Nana from 1 until 3, then I came back to NZ for primary. That’s where my parents now came in (they’re biologically my Aunty and Uncle but I call them Mum and Dad). I live with them full time. I’ve lived all over the place though…I’m so used to moving houses that staying in one place too long makes me uncomfortable! Oh and at the moment I’m Head Girl at school.

So you’ve just turned 18, do you feel like an adult?

I still feel so young, I can’t believe I’m 18! For me, being a proper adult is being mature, living on my own and being fully independent…But I’m also already used to being independent. Like with our biological parents we couldn’t rely on them for anything so we learned how to get around, going to school, buying our uniforms, making lunches…And now I like to get myself home from work because it’s one of the only times I get to be on my own. It’s my reflective time. I also like to go on digital detoxes, deactivate my pages for a week, reflect on life and it’s hard to find time to do that. 

Do you find social media overwhelming?

Yeah, it’s kinda toxic, like I see with my female friends, if they post and it doesn’t get enough likes then they delete it. That’s so toxic to see… I don’t want to get to the point where I’m insecure about likes. I didn’t get my phone until I was 17 though, and it was good getting it later. I had Facebook but not having a phone limited the amount of time I could spend on it – I’d only go on if my sisters lent me their phone or at the library.

That’s rare to not have a phone, right? Did you feel left out growing up?

I felt left out but I think that’s normal. When you’re growing up you want to be part of the buzz. But when you get older you realise that’s so stupid. And actually I’m kinda lucky I grew up without it. I didn’t care what I wore, I didn’t know what was in style, I was different but I felt ok. And also everyone was busy on their phones, and I was like, “What am I gonna do with all my time?” So I put it into school work and I’m happy because it paid off!

We’ve heard a lot about how your generation put much more emphasis on family – so what does family mean to you? 

It’s my whole being. Everything I do is because I’m doing it for my family. Our family always tell us about my Grandpa when he came over from Tonga and the struggle. He did the lowest of jobs, but by the time he had saved up enough to bring over my Grandma and the kids, he had a house with rooms filled with clothes. It’s my motivation, knowing I haven’t had to go through something like that. I don’t want to go through that so it’s my drive to keep going. 

Can anyone be family? 

Yes. My biological mother used to go on trips to Tonga each year. Last year she left us with three tubs of butter, a loaf of bread and a bottle of milk for three weeks. My sister was on an internship, but she was already paying the house bills, so for three weeks we’d have one meal a day…That’s when friends became my family. My friends had gone through similar struggles with food, they understood, they’d offer me rides or split their money with me even if it was $5. They’re family to me.

Do you feel like you’ve got more responsibility than the average 18 year old?

Yeah, but that’s good because when I become an adult I’ll be used to responsibility. Me and my siblings have already been challenged, like living in foster homes while we were growing up. Having to go through that struggle toughened us up. 

Where do you get your strength from? 

From my sisters, and my mum, and my siblings. We’re so tight, I find it hard to believe if people say they hate their siblings?! My siblings are my strength because every time I’m down I look at them and think, “If they made it through, I can too!” My sisters and I have found it really hard this year, our Dad passed away in January. I struggled to go back to school but I was Head Girl. The school was understanding but I felt obliged to go back because little kids need someone to look up to. I should be there. But if people are talking about their Dads, I just close my eyes and ask my Dad to give me strength. 

Tell me about your future, do you know what you want to do? 

I’m thinking of being a nurse. They’re overworked and we don’t have enough of them, so why wouldn’t I want to give back to the community? And when Dad was in hospital the nurses were so good to him, Mum was so grateful to them. I want to be that person who another family are grateful for. 

What’s one word to sum up how you feel about the future?

Optimistic!